Who’s that lady? Whooooo’s that ladaaayyy? The one that’s gainfully employed and pretending to be a real adult? Me, baby! MEEEE.
Yup, started ma new job this week, and things are looking good! Do you want all of the glorious, gory details? Imma fill you in.
But first, let’s get something outta the way. My sordid confesshun: I have accepted my human frailty and have officially given up on driving here. BECAUSE I HATE IT. This was basically me every time I had to get behind the wheel:
And this was everyone else on the road:
The combo of learning stick shift + everything being backasswards was deadly and super stressful. So EFF it! I’m throwing in the towel, and no one can stop me. Also, Matt is a saint and totally supports me (aww!). Now I am a proud owner of multiple bus passes, LOL.
My workplace is two bus rides away, which roughly equates to a 50 minute commute. Not too bad! Plus, since I go through the city, I get to people-watch all the kooks milling around Belfast.
Besides somewhat unreliable waiting times, there’s only one drawback to the bus. Matt is gonna kill me for this, but I’m gonna Edward Snowden this piece anyway and divulge one of NI’s darkest secrets: The Belfast Stink™.
The Belfast Stink is a peculiar stench that wafts its way around buses, grocery stores, churches — anywhere you can find locals. It’s — dare I say it? — a regional delicacy. There’s a Tesco food campaign called “Taste Northern Ireland.” I want to make my own campaign called “Smell Northern Ireland”— the logo will be a used sock decaying in a brown puddle.
But for real, I have never encountered this smell at any other point in my life, anywhere else in the world. It is totally unique. Matt aptly summed it up when he likened it to “the gym harness that every camper uses at summer camp, and which has never been washed.” It’s not just normal armpit BO. It’s a noxious cocktail of equal parts mildew, human grease and inescapable despair.
The Belfast Stink makes a cameo appearance on nearly half of my bus rides. The perps always seem to sit in front of me, so I have maximum exposure. Fortunately, once I get into work everything is lovely. The people are wonderful, the job is challenging but interesting, and the local area is really green and peaceful. Actually, I’ve been taking long walks during my lunch hour, since putting on my work pants is currently the human equivalent to this:
But adjusting to the 9-5 schedule has been hard this past week! I’m pretty exhausted at the end of the day, so this is basically me the second I get in the door:
All I want is to get into comfy clothes and veg my life away! Hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll readjust to having a normal person’s schedule. Stay tuned for more grown-up adventures!